Opportunities

On this Daddy's Blues Wednesday, instead of a long post today I just wanted to share a thought with you taken from an excerpt of my forthcoming book "Ode To Sons".  

"Sons, at some point in our life, we are all given an opportunity for new beginnings.  It could be the birth of a child, enrolling in school, graduating from school, getting married, being baptized, or even just a new day.  Whatever your new beginning may be, the one thing it is not is an opportunity for you to waste.  I have wasted some new beginnings, and like any rationale human being, I regret some of the opportunities I had to open up a new chapter with a bang.  New beginnings don’t erase the past, but they do give new meaning to the future." 

Are you taking advantage of your new opportunities to overcome the shadows of your past?  Or are you simply allowing your opportunities to become another shadow of the past?    

Just Me

Your Best Gift Shouldn’t be Yours

“Half of something is a whole lot more than all of nothing”-Just Me

Yes today is Motivation Monday, and I was contemplating which angle I would take.  I ended up talking to one of my brothers from another mother, Chuck, and it just clicked.  We were conversing about my upcoming plans of starting my Sports & Entertainment Management company.  I was sharing with him my business philosophy.  I explained to him that some people are content with doing everything on their own, but my philosophy about that has always been different.

                I’m a firm believer that in order to succeed in life, you can’t make a go at it alone.  So many times we go into ventures or projects thinking that all we need is a dream and our own potential.  If you have ever read anything I’ve posted, then you know I’m one of the biggest dream chasers.  In the same manner, I’m very aware of the God-given potential and abilities I’ve been blessed with.  With that being said, I still know that my dreams in life can’t be accomplished with me being a team of one.

                I innocently bought my son a Thomas the Train model while on vacation recently.  He suddenly grew an affinity towards the train.  He sleeps with it, eats with it, bathes with it, and he even takes it to church with him.  He loves that little train, and he will let you know it in a second.  If anyone, old or young, looks at him while he’s playing with the train he will exclaim “My Train”, or “Mine”.  He will do this until the person stops looking or leaves.  It’s sad, but we as adults often take on this same mentality when it comes to achievement in life.  So many times we think we’ve found a gold mine and then want to hide it.  We go back to the childish exclamation of “mine, mine, mine”.  That was my idea, and no I will not share anything with you.   We feel as if nobody deserves to have any of what I got.  Check your news channel and you will see how this plays out in society in general.  We hover in a corner and say, “well I got mine, now go get yours”.  The problem with that thinking is that, it took someone to help you get there, and it’s going to take someone to help you stay there.

                In order to attain new and improved levels of success, we have to move from the thinking that we can do it all alone.  Every dreamer in life had to have someone (s) to help them live out their dream.  If it wasn’t for other people, MLK would’ve just been a great speaker from Georgia.  We have to learn to surround ourselves with people that can challenge us and make us better.  When we do that, we are able to reach further than imaginable, and at the same time we help somebody else reach a dream they never knew existed.  I am a strong believer that half of a million dollars, is a whole lot more than all of ten thousand dollars.  Yet some of us would rather take the $10,000 and say I did it.  Rather than taking the $500,000 and saying “We did it”.   It’s time for us to move beyond the selfish mentality if we truly want to meet our goals in life.

There are people around that can help you reach that goal, but you have to willing to move from the mindset of a 2-year old to that of an adult wanting to achieve in life.  If your personal gifts are the best you have to offer your dreams then you are selling yourself short.   You will probably never have all that it takes to achieve your goal, but I guarantee that there are people with a little bit of everything you need to get to where you want to be.  It’s time to build a team, and to reach for what you’ve always wanted.

Here are my 5 recommendations to help you move in the right direction with the right people on your team:

1.       Surround yourself with people that know a lot about stuff you know nothing about.

2.       Be willing to relinquish some of the power.  You don’t need all of the power, you just want to enjoy turning your dream into a reality.

3.       Be honest with your team about your dream, and your inability to reach your dream alone.

4.       Kindly part ways with team members that stop dreaming.  Never burn bridges in the process, you never know when you might need to cross again.

5.       When you reach the top, never forget to take everybody that helped out with you.  Even the teammates you had to dismiss earlier.

Dreams Detoured

“Like a crack head and his pipe, dream chasers can’t be separated from their dreams”- Just Me

                On this past weekend, I read a comment on my Facebook that I can easily relate to.  The comment centered on the writer’s frustration with chasing her dream, but it seems like the dream just won’t come to fruition.  I asked her a few questions, and her reply was pretty on point.  Seeing her frustration with her dream still being so far off, I offered her encouragement based on my personal experiences.

One of the main issues that dream chasers face is that not everyone catches your fire about your dreams as you do.  One of the main reasons that they don’t is because your dream is YOUR dream.  The truth is, most people won’t catch on until you are clearly on your way to achieving your dream.  Prior to that, people will doubt you, say you should focus on something else, or simply tell you to get real and now is just not the time.

If you are like me, then this boils your skin because you know your potential and where you want to be in life.  It may be unclear to others where you are going, it might not be that clear to you, but you know what things will be like once you get to where you are going.  One of the craziest things about dreams is that even though you can explain it to people, unless they experience it for themselves, they will never truly understand your dream.  People may not see all the turns on your map, but they will know when you have arrived at your destination.

I’m a firm believer that no dream is meant to be put on life’s shelf for later.  At the very least, you should be putting together the pieces as time passes on.  The problem with things that are put on a shelf is that you tend to forget about them, or you just simply lose interest.  True dream chasers are addicted to accomplishing their dream.  Nobody can pacify you with subpar replacements.  In your mind there is no detour that should be taken. 

So here’s my declaration to all my fellow dream chasers: Chase your dreams, like your life depends on it.  In all honesty, your sanctity and happiness in life does depend on it.  Those you want to understand your dream may never do so.  That investor you are hoping for might only come once your dream is becoming a reality.  That support system you depended on might suddenly collapse.  But like a crack head and his pipe, dream chasers can’t be separated from their dreams. 

I want to leave you with 5 tips to help you in this journey, from one dream chaser to another:

1.       Don’t EVER stop chasing your dream.

2.       Surround yourself with like-minded people (Other Dream Chasers)

3.       Accept that people might not understand now, but they will later.

4.       As you go through the process, evaluate each step and learn from your mistakes.

5.       Celebrate each milestone; it will keep your motivated.

Free, but forever in Shackles: Why Casey Anthony will suffer as a Free Woman

“A mother’s God-given love is so strong, it will drive her insane when misplaced”- Just me

                As a young law student, I have slowly gained a very deep appreciation for “all things law”.  I found myself using legal jargon in my Public Speaking Engagements.  In my circle of friends and family, I’m usually asked a legal question or two.  My ears and eyes perk up when I hear/see something related to the legal field.  I can honestly say that nothing dominated my attention like that of the last 47 days.

                If you were like me then you had the internet, tv, and radio tuned in to what was going on from 8:30am until…. on the 23^rd floor of the Orange County Courthouse in Orlando, FL.  We watched days of evidence being presented.  We saw days that were emotionally draining.  We saw days when there was animated sparring between Attorneys Baez and Ashton.  We witnessed Chief Judge Belvin Perry command and demand control of his courtroom.  We all speculated as we saw Casey go from an innocent puppy-faced young lady, to a stoic “I’ll cut your throat” look in the blink of an eye.  We all paid attention to the varying opinions of legal experts, pundits, and common folk.  I, you, me, and us all had our opinion of what would, or should, happen at the end of trial.

                Then it came out that at 2:15pm the verdict would be rendered.  As I sat in front of my computer in between meetings, my raced back to over 15 years ago when we waited for the verdict in the OJ Simpson trial.  Then the words few people anticipated rang out across the nation. We the jury….. find the defendant, Casey…. NOT GUILTY.  My heart immediately began to sink.  For a moment I felt what those against OJ felt.   Yet in this situation I felt an even stronger pain because little Caylee is gone and we will NEVER know what happened to her.

                Sure, there is enough blame to go around: Casey and her lying arse.  Maybe the prosecution sought the wrong charge.  Maybe Baez helped a true criminal get off.  Blame aside, the fact remains that Caylee is gone, and for some reason her Mother refuses to do anything but lie about what happened to one of the greatest blessings a human can be blessed with.

                After putting my emotions and feelings aside, I’ve come to the conclusion that although Casey was acquitted by a jury of her “peers”, she will be forever in shackles as a free woman.  Let me dispel any preconceived notions you may have.  This post isn’t about “judging” Casey.  If you read my blog then you know that I don’t do that.  This is more about living a life chained, until you set yourself free.

                Going with Casey’s “present truth”, Caylee drowned in the household pool.  Yet during this time Casey partied and acted as if she really had a “beautiful life”.  She concocted stories that were extremely outrageous.  She kept her family, law enforcement, and the public at bay while she enjoyed her “beautiful life”.  The problem is that the rooster will come home to crow.

                I could talk about public scrutiny.  I could talk about how her social life will suffer.  I could talk about how she will probably never have a good family life anymore.  I could talk about how she probably won’t find willful employment, even though she won’t need it.  But I want to go a little deeper.  As a person that’s tried to hide my own guilt in the past, it is guaranteed that Casey will be shackled until the truth is known.  Am I advocating that she must get in front of the TV and confess to the world what happened?  That would be great, but I don’t believe it’s necessary.  I do advocate that Casey will have to deal with God for her negligence, and the impending lies that she gave to cover it up.  If anything she accused her brother and father of is untrue, Casey will be shackled until she redeems their names.  Even if all else fails, Casey will forever be shackled by the cloud of guilt.  As a parent, you are responsible for the life and well-being of your child.  Even if Casey didn’t kill her daughter, she was still responsible for reporting her daughter’s death.  Her daughter is dead, and there is nothing an attorney, judge, or jury can do to acquit her of her negligence in being a responsible human being and parent by not telling someone about what happened. A mother's natural love will eventually take over this young lady.  She will eventually realize how the lies and negligence ruined the memory of her greatest gift.   Casey might be free from jail, but the shackles of Caylee’s death will be with her forever.

God help us all to avoid unnecessary shackles!

Just me

Recall on Fatherhood

“We physically miss absent mothers, but subconsciously deteriorate from absent fathers.”- Just Me

                May 8, 2011 was a day that few people were ignorant about.  The “signs of the times” were everywhere.  Weeks before this day there were commercials on almost every television channel.  Stores began marketing campaigns, highlighting the perfect gifts.  Women everywhere began putting in hints to their children and “baby (ies) daddy (ies)” about their desires for that day.  When the day arrived, restaurants had waiting lines as if something was being given away for free.  What else would one expect?  After all, it was Mother’s Day.

                As a son who values his mother, I honor her whenever it comes to mind.  She carried me for 9 months, and (according to her) her body was never the same.  She nourished and still cares for me even after 30 years of life.  There’s nothing I can’t talk to her about.  There’s never a need that she isn’t willing to fulfill, even if it’s outside her means.  Mothers all over the world deserve all the pomp and circumstance they receive.  Even the perceived, or actual, bad mothers receive high praise on Mother’s Day.

                Yesterday was June 19, 2011.  People all over the world enjoyed the day, as a day off from work.  Some people attended church.  Some people went to the beach.   Some people just had a relaxing day inside their home.  There were no unusual lines at any restaurants.  Only certain companies spent advertising money to highlight there perfect gifts. The world went on as normal, and there was probably an occasional “Oh yea, Happy Father’s Day”.  By the way, “bad” fathers more than likely didn’t receive the same high praise that “bad” mothers did on May 8^th.

                The position, opportunity, and responsibility of Fatherhood has been devalued.  I can remember growing up as a child, and never really knowing when father’s day was.  Although my father was the best father in the world, his position in the family wasn’t highlighted as much as a “best mother in the world”.  Young men don’t grow up being taught the value of being a father, but young women learn early the values of a mother.  Today, having a father in the home is almost considered optional rather than desired.  You hear it all the time “my single mother is all the father I need”.  While the notion of a mother being able to be daddy as well sounds good, the fact remains that it is impossible for her to be what a father should.  Women are incapable of being fathers not because of a lack of desire, but by design.

                In my upcoming book, “Ode to Sons”, I deal with this topic in Chapter 2: Time Spent.  We have become accustomed to having homes absent of a Male figure.  We believe that we grow up and everything is ok.  On the outside things look ok, but subconsciously our lives are void of an intricate portion of life’s equation.  Little girls grow up missing the manly love that only daddy can give, and in return seek it subconsciously from men.  Little boys grow up trying to be a man they aren’t, and learn to fulfill temporary needs of his family.  Such as: doing whatever it takes to earn money for the next meal.  That temporary state of mind plays out in life and relationships.  So that little girl seeks the missing love from a man than only knows how to temporarily satisfy the needs of those he loves.  Asking a mother to be an effective father is like asking a dentist to deliver your baby.  Yes momma is capable of doing a lot of things, but there’s nothing like daddy.

We can say we don’t need them, but just because we say something that doesn’t mean it’s real.  If it is, then say it with me, I’m a BILLIONAIRE.  Did it work for you? Nope, not for me either.  Fathers are a foundation for a family.  They are the leader in the home.  They provide mental support that goes beyond being a simply a source of child support.  I didn’t realize how important my dad was to my development as a man and human till he died.  There are natural things that only daddy can teach and share.  Momma’s love is GREAT, but daddy’s love is affirming.  Momma’s instructions are precious, but daddy’s instructions are powerful.  Momma’s touch is comforting, but daddy’s touch is confirming.  There is no real substitute for Motherhood or Fatherhood.  They both provide a delicate balance that every child should be blessed to have.

                So today, I’m placing a recall on the current value we’ve placed on the importance of fatherhood.  Yes, there are millions of single mothers.  Yes there are horrible dads.  But, just because people are horrible that doesn’t mean the role should be any less important.  We need to fight for more positive images of fathers on TV.  We need to celebrate the position even if it’s empty or being filled by a less than perfect person.  It’s time we place the due value on fatherhood and all it brings.  In teaching our babies how to be big boys, we also need to teach them what it is to be a father.  Just like we glamorize to them a life of grandeur that can be produced from being a star athlete or music mogul, we need to emphasize how being a father can be an enriching experience.   The recall begins when we declare to our sons that being a father to our children isn’t an option, but rather a requirement and a great opportunity.  Will you join me in this recall by returning all devalued and flawed concepts you have fatherhood?

Just me

How Many Lives Does It Take?

                On my morning rides to work I normally try to catch up with the latest news.  This morning as I checked the news brief, I noticed a headline that was very troubling to me.  “SF Bay transit cop convicted in killing released”.  My stomach began to turn as I read the article.

                The officer in this case, takes an unarmed man off a train for “fighting”.  While the young man, Oscar Grant, lies on his stomach the officer pulls out his gun and fatally shoots Grant.  The officer’s defense was that he thought he pulled out his taser rather than his firearm.  I could go on a rant about how a trained officer “should” know the difference between a taser and a firearm.  I could argue about whether or not, an unarmed man lying on his stomach needs to be tased.  While those will provide for heated discussion and debate, those facts aren’t my reason behind this post.

                There are some great disparities in this country when it comes to the justice system.  How can we handout 5+ jail sentences for crimes such as possession, theft, etc., but in the same breath give a man 2-year sentence after he murders an unarmed man?  Even more so then that, he then only serves 11 months out of the 2 years.

                Just last week, the world was in uproar about Rep. Weiner sending pics to women.  The Christian community was in shambles because Eddie Long settled a case.  For the past 9 months the sports world has spewed out unprecedented lashings on LeBron James over his decisions.  Everybody did so under the idea that these men were leaders, and should be held to a higher standard based on their status.  Yet today, I haven’t heard one peep about how this officer has been let off with pretty much a slap on the wrist as another young man lays 6-feet deep.

                If we can hold other “leaders” to such high standards, then should we not do the same for those we entrust with our lives and safety?  I would imagine that this officer has made several arrests, and those on the receiving end of his arrests were given much harsh time for less abrasive offenses.  Yet our justice system somehow feels that 2 years is a long enough punishment for murder.  Then they also feel that it after 11 months he’s served enough time.  Where is the justice in this?

                As a person with many friends in, and a high respect for, law enforcement, this act continues an unsettling trend.  A sworn officer of the law can beat and kill a person, yet serve less time than the common drug dealer they arrest on a daily basis.  I think an armed man with the authority of government should be held to a higher duty than they currently are.

                Some would argue that he’s a good cop that made a mistake.  Well I have a “good” cousin that’s serving over 25 years for a mistake.  I’m also sure that there are prisons all over the country that are filled with good moms, dads, brothers, sisters, etc., who have all made a mistake and now they are serving time.  I learned a long time ago that life is partially about the decisions we make, and the other part is how we deal with the consequences.  Yes there’s always room for grace and mercy to anyone guilty of a mistake, but we can’t ridicule other “leaders” for their mistakes and then continue to let “trained” leaders make mistakes that cost the lives of unarmed individuals.

                I also understand that the life and job of an officer is very dangerous and stressful.  I don’t mean to sound harsh, but if you can’t handle the pressure responsibly then don’t take the position.  Every leader has stress and pressures that can cause them to act in opposition to expectations of the position.  Yet we don’t cut them any slack when they mess up, so why should we do so with officers?

                At times I’m very scared for what my son will have to face.  I’ve been pulled over for some very questionable stuff, and I could’ve easily been on the wrong end of a “mistake”.  For the sakes of Oscar Grant, Jerrod Miller, Lorenzo Collins, Amadou Diallo, and many others, it’s time we hold our law enforcement leaders to the same expectations we hold others.  How many more have to die before we do?

Just Me

Will the Real Christian Please Stand Up

“Love is often only shared when it comes to giving, but it suddenly disappears when it comes to forgiving”- Just Me

                Almost a year ago, I watched with intrigue and anticipation as the word got out about the Bishop Eddie Long Scandal.  There were 2 victims in the beginning, and before you knew it there were 4.  I observed how the members of his church garnered overwhelming support, assuring that they would give him a fair chance to fight the accusations.  As a fresh 1L (1^st year Law Student) I began to have debates with contemporaries based on my newfound knowledge of the legal system.   Based on his actions, was he guilty or not? 

As I sit almost a year later, I’m once again observing how people are now reacting to the multi-million dollar settlement.   There are some that are outraged that Long has settled, which to them appears to be an admission of guilt.  They are also furious that he hasn’t addressed the issue, but has reportedly swept it under the rug and is moving on.  They don’t understand how one can commit such a heinous act, but still go on living as if nothing has happened.  They feel that Long betrayed them by saying he would fight the accusations, but all along he knew they were true.  They are pissed, hurt, and sad that another person of power, prowess, and position has been undertaken by a scandal.  There are some that are ready to march around the proverbial walls of New Birth, and see to it that Long is removed by any means necessary.

                Across the aisle from them stand another group of people who share some of the same emotions.  They are sad, hurt, disappointed, angry, and ready to march.  It is apparent that their march is being led by Long’s cross-town co-worker, Creflo Dollar.  Their march is for the restoration of Long.  They feel that his acts were reprehensible, or in the words of Dollar “a wreck”.  They will say, “Yes Long is guilty, but.”  Although Long’s attendee number have reportedly withered, there are still some standing strong.  Unlike journalist Roland Martin, I have never tithed the ministry of Long or Dollar.  I am often at odds with their theological aspects on Christianity.  So I can’t say that I’m a true “fan” of either one of them. 

                Over my life I have made some terrible mistakes.  Some I’m still living with the consequences for, and some I might have yet to experience the consequences.  Through these mistakes I have come to a more “mature” understanding of what it is like to be on the same end of the blame as Long.  While I do not, will not, and cannot condone his actions, nor can I condone his refusal to act as if nothing has happened, I do see both sides of this argument.

As a person that has always been in leadership positions, people require more.  Although they aren’t willing to be/do perfect, they expect it from their leader.  Long was COMPLETELY wrong in his actions.  I can’t subscribe to the conspiracy theory that a settlement is an admission of full guilt, but I do believe that settlements occur from making a messy situation even messier.  So there was some messiness happening, and at the least Long should be able to address that to his parishioners.   For me to talk about the “hypocritical” portion would be hypocritical of me, because I’m guilty of doing things I’ve talked against.  So I will stick with saying that yes the messiness should be addressed in some way.  I’m all for calling sin by its rightful name.  If you read any of my posts, then you know I constantly admit how I fall, fail, mess up, and disappoint.  I believe that calling sin by its right name begins with us calling our own names first.

                On the other side, I often struggle with how hard we love when someone is giving, but our love disappears when it comes to forgiving.  We tend to become “bandwagon lovers”.  We stick around and support each other when things are good, and everything is smooth sailing.  This is in no way a defense of Long, but a simple self-observation.  We as a people tend to love the gravy train, but jump ship when the storms of life come.  The only difference between us and Long is that his “messiness” is public.  No, some of us would never molest boys or commit any sexual crimes.  Yet each of us have done, and will do, some things that are disturbing to others.

                Some people argue that the problem with the church is that we cover up the “messiness” too much.  While there is some truth and solid weight to that, I can also support the argument that we throw away the “messy” too much.  Beyond the indiscretions of Long, are a host of individuals that have committed some wrong.  In the name of “protecting” the church, we throw them to the wayside for their public wrongs, while we hide our private wrongs.  I would even venture to say that Long himself might have been guilty of this prior to this issue.  Where are the “messy” to go?  If one can’t find forgiveness and restoration in an entity that claims to following after the ultimate forgiver, then is there really any hope for anyone?

                My question is do we somehow find relief in the failings of others?  Does it make us feel better about our own dirt when we can point to someone else as being the guilty one?  When a person falls from grace, does that help us stand up from our fall?  Maybe we can chalk it up as one of the consequences of making horrible life decisions.  If so, then are we ready to have to face those same consequences for the horrible life decisions we’ve made?  Who is the better “Christian”, the person’s whose messiness is currently on display, or the person’s whose messiness has been and/or will be on display next?  I pose this question to myself and to you, “Will the real Christian please stand up?” if there is one.

Just me