It Aint Easy

“Unplanned transitions can be just as detrimental as planned complacency”-  Just me

I can remember being a little boy wishing I was a teenager.  When I became a teenager, I dreamed about the day I would be old enough to drive.  As a young driver, I longed for the day when I was 18 and able to go where I wanted.  18 came, and I constantly thought about life in and after college.  After college I often contemplated what it would be like being a parent.  Then it happened.

Being a parent is truly one of the greatest responsibilities, and opportunities, that can bestowed on a human being.  Some take it for granted, and others long for the chance to hear someone call them mommy or daddy.  With trepidation, we pick up books, buy clothes, remodel rooms, and send out sonography pictures.  We attend Lamaze classes, seek out daycares, and install over-the-top car seats/carriers/etc.

All this is done, but are we really prepared?  Anybody that has ever been blessed with a child will tell you that it’s one of those things where you learn as you go.  I can remember one night when my son was just a week or two old.  He began choking on mucous.  My wife and I panicked, and I jumped up to dial 911.  My mother-in-law comely came in and suctioned my son.  By the time the ambulance arrived, he was breathing normal.  So we learned a valuable and instrumental lesson.

With all that being said, I would argue that parenting is one area where unplanned transitions can be as detrimental as planned complacency.  So we decide to have kids, or do what it takes to make one, but we never put full thought into how will handle the different phases and issues of their lives.  We plan for the pretty colors on the wall, but “hope” they never have any dirty secrets.  We buy them a piggy bank, but we never inspire them to own a bank.  We tell them that education is important, but we don’t read to them or with them.  So we plan to do good parental things, but we don’t take the time to be good parents.  Point in case, how many of us have parental support groups?  What was the last parenting book we read?  Did we share with someone else a lesson we learned about a real issue in our child’s life, beyond the playful problems of the dreaded terrible two’s

We as parents have to do better to and for our kids.  If we refuse to be better, then it’s better that we don’t become.  This crosses financials, emotional support, rational development, and even time support.  Our kids require a lot, but they don’t expect much.  They expect to be fed, held, and loved.  Yes I know parenting aint easy, but what is?

Just Me

Say it Loud

As I watched the President of the United States on one screen and “The Donald” on another, I couldn’t help but wonder about the mindset of some Americans today.  It all started as a rumor that hijacked the media’s attention and literally had the Tea Party frothing at the mouth with whispers that President Obama may have been born in India. Opponents latched on faster to this unfounded rumor with more vigor than a hungry calf to its mom’s teats.  There was never once a shred of evidence to substantiate this ignorance, but people still chose to believe and with determination and back alley politics and maneuvering the Birther movement began.

Whatever happened to FACTS? Why do we so greedily eat whatever is served by corrupt and morally bereft characters whenever they are granted the opportunity to spew in front of the cameras?   Have we forgotten our elementary teachings on creating a hypothesis, testing the hypothesis and then coming to a fair and balanced conclusion? I’m so tired of people reveling in ignorant darkness and gulping the regurgitation of uneducated ramblings of others.  Some of the things we argue and fight over are void of rational thinking, and are saturated with emotional opinions based on what we heard. 

It’s time we develop the ability to think critically and rationally.  It’s time we challenge the solely opinionated words of others, rather than accepting them as absolute truth.  It’s time we stop depending solely on the knowledge of others as a measure of who we are as individuals.  It’s time that we speak with our voices, with our knowledge, in our dialect, to our people, for our causes.  If the last sentence translates to race, socio-economics, or cultural identity then you’re still not ready to speak.  Once prepared to speak you cannot wait for permission on when and how to speak for fear of lack of elocution or eloquence, for some will see your gift and do their best to stifle your message.  Once given the gift to speak don’t squander it with lies, concoctions and yellow journalism-if you cannot fight in an honest way don’t bother entering the ring.

“All it takes is a vocal minority to impact a silent majority”- Just me

The Passage

October 3, 2008 changed my life forever.  I can only imagine that it was similar to what another Anthony J Albury experienced on January 10, 1981. I can remember sitting in the L&D watching the hospital workers prep my wife for her C-section.  I was anxious, nervous, excited, scared, and a host of other emotional and rational adjectives.  I had thought about this day for over 9 months.  As the staff wheeled my wife into the operating room, they told me to sit in a chair and wait for them to come get me.  It felt like hours passed before they said, “Ok, you can come in now”.  As I walked into the OR I realized that I was moving from a son to a father.  I can remember holding my wife’s hand, and listening to the sounds of the delivery room.  I had my camera around my neck in anticipation of that first picture of my new blessing.  Nine months of preparation and waiting ceased  in less than 3 minutes as our doctor picked him up and said, “ok dad snap away”.  At that moment the whole earth stood still in my mind.  My hands seemed heavy and I couldn’t pick up my camera.  Seconds seemed like hours as I tried to take one picture of my son.  So many thoughts ran through my head.  Am I going to be a good father?  Will I be able to provide?  I have my own issues that I don’t want to pass to this innocent offspring of mine.   I was finally able to snap a picture.  The nurses then wiped him off and told me I could come over and see him as they stitched up my wife.  As I walked over to the table my knees started to buckle as I peered into his eyes. As my son struggled to determine shapes and the voices around him, I started to shape his future and the magnitude of becoming his voice changed my life instantly. I knew from that moment that I would do everything possible to always be there for him. I lost my dad to a stroke, 9 years prior to that, and all I could think about was what could have been if my Dad had not passed and how many boys/men have been denied the opportunity to be reared by their fathers. My son will be 3 this year, and I'm still overwhelmed by the level of love that I have for him. It's often said that FATHERHOOD is a responsibility and not a privilege but I say it's both. I'm enjoying watching my son grow into a little gentlemen and learning so much about myself in the process.

Just Me

*Father and Son*

Where Were You?

                My father was very present in my life until his death over 12 years ago.  Amongst the many things he used to do, I still remember being so excited when he used to take me to t-ball, baseball, basketball, and football practices.  He would let me bombard his closet to “borrow” his suits, shirts, and ties.  He knew how to listen, when to give an opinion, when to punish, and when to show love like only he could.  He constantly provided quality time. 

                So many times, as fathers, baby daddies, etc, we think we have to be the superman in the lives of our child (ren).  The truth is children remember what you did during the time you spent with them, and not whether it was 10 minutes or 10 hours.  Our children need quality time with their fathers.  Even if its only an hour that we take from our busy lives, take that hour and spend it wholeheartedly with your child.  The last thing you want is for your child to look at you and ask, Where were you?

Just me

“Run or Shut Up”

                In recent years Bill Cosby has been both a source of inspiration, and a source of extreme verbal assault (agreeable or not).  Yesterday on the “Today Show” he made a simple statement in response to Donald Trump’s ramblings, “Run or Shut Up”.  As a proponent of simple words, I don’t think I could’ve said it any better.  I must say that I was guilty of this during the last Presidency, but it is easy to sit on the sidelines and ridicule.  “The Donald” wants to talk like a candidate, walk like a candidate, but doesn’t want to officially become a candidate “yet”.  This is laughable and one of the main reasons why this country is truly, in the words of Trump, “on the way to hell”.

                It appears that Trump's “yet” is a huge door that’s hinged on his “The Celebrity Apprentice” show.  Yes I’m aware of contractual agreements, and the issues that surround the issue.  But, if the country you love “needs you” then what are you waiting on?  Simply put money matters more than our ailing country and Mr. Trump’s lack of movement embodies the old proverb “the love of money is the root of all evil”.  Our country is in the trouble because of the poor, not because of teachers, not because of unions, not because of education, and not because of our President.  We are in this position because our love of money takes precedence over anything else.  We will risk a shutdown of the UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT all for the love of money.  The self-loathing “King of the Comb-Over “ claims to love this country, but would rather let his money-making show play out rather than entering a race that he says needs him.  Mr. Trump if your country needs you so much, and you’re confident of your prowess in being a great President, when will you announce your intent to run?  Or at the end of the day, will your love for money require you to shut up?

Just me

Daddy Blues

            I often look at my son and wonder, “How can I help him be a better man than I am?”.  Being a father/daddy can be one of life's most challenging duties.  Unlike mothers, men struggle with the ability to give unconditionally.  It is in our blood to be selfish and protective.  You don’t believe me?  How many times have you hid food from your child?  Or how many times have you turned to your favorite show, knowing that your child would much rather watch Noggin? Yes, we are selfish.

            The dilemma is trying to help teach our sons how to be giving, caring and willing to love unconditionlly.  What tools can I give my son that will help him avoid the numerous mistakes I've made?  How can I instill in him habits that I’ve never really been able to form?  When the tables are turned and he’s looking at his son, will he be proud of the reflection he sees?  Daddy’s blues are unique and like none other.  It takes honesty of who we are not in order to teach our sons of who to be.  Maybe it’s Just Me, or do you have Daddy’s Blues?

Just Me....

Political Gangsterization

Political Gangsterization

            I'm not a fan of old Western Cowboy TV shows or movies,  yet I have had the opportunity to see a couple, and understand the plot behind most of them.  In my observation the “lifestyle” is one where there is little oversight; each man has his own, and can pretty much do whatever is necessary to defend that.  There may be a sheriff in town, but most of the actors are of the vigilante culture.  It appears to me that some groups, and individuals, in this country are aiming to lead us that way.  They scream for deregulation of everything.  They argue for reduced gun laws.  They promote the idea to “make as much money as you can doing whatever you can to make it”.  Then they top it off with "you better not touch it or ask me to help anybody else that may need my assistance."  They have an attitude of they don’t have what I have, which means they must be lazy."

 On closer inspection this attitude is prevalent in American society, there are some that want a country with no government,  a country where it’s every man for himself, and as long as I got mine, who gives a flying hell what you have?  We approach each other with a bullying mentality of "if you or anybody else ask me for it you better watch."  To the outsider it may sound like a gangster movie being played out on the silver screen.  To those of us looking at it, it’s simply the “New American Dream”.  In this country we value gun rights, wars, and money more than we do education and helping “the least of these”.  We will cut funding for education, but raise funding for military bulkening. We won’t spend a concerted dime to help the poor, but will spend billions to help CEOs of companies fatten their pension plans.  We see governors proposing policies in the name of “helping the middle class”, while it’s the middle class that the policies are hurting the most.  We use political policies as a bully pulpit to oppress those that oppose us.  Although I don’t think we ever fully embraced being “One Nation Under God”, I definitely think we clutch on to the role of Every man, his money, and his ability to bully.

Just Me......