Missing Persons Report

We can never be the person (s) we want to be until we go through the painful process of acknowledging the person (s) that we are. Just me

                While looking through my TL (time line on twitter), I noticed a link for a picture.  Upon opening the picture, I saw what was a missing persons report.  On the report was the picture of a guy.  He was a father, and the mother of his child created it to symbolize him missing from the life of his child.  With mixed emotions I looked over the pic.  Sad that there’s another child living without his father, giddy because I thought it was a good idea, but also alarmed. 

 This picture made me realize how we often stray from expectations.  I grew up in a home that was big on family and church.  Throughout my life these are two entities that have been a consistent.  During the week I watched my parents work and lead a family.  Then on the weekends I was heavily involved in various functions of my church.  Needless to say, these two institutions weighed heavily on how I thought, and what I did.  One thing that they both provided, was a sense of high expectations.

                I can remember my mom constantly saying “You have a mind of your own, use it”.  That was her way of saying, “I Expect you to be/do better than anybody else in every situation”.  With that one phrase, I always felt the pressure of living up to an expectation that would make my parents proud. 

                As a teen, I became heavily involved in leadership positions in my church.  I seemed to be placed in higher positions earlier than any of my contemporaries, although I never really knew why.  With the trust given to me by my church, there once again came a level of expectations.  Although I was young, I often felt a sense of responsibility to try and lead my friends.  Though I failed, I still realized the grasp of expectations on my psyche.

                I had, and still have an issue with disappointment.  I HATE being a source of disappointment to family and friends.  Yet I’ve done, and do things that are/have/and can be disappointing.  The ideology of great expectations is ingrained in me.  I often feel as if it is what I’m supposed to do.

                This train of thought can place one in a precarious situation.  I’m a strong believer that we live conflicting lives.  There’s always a war between who we are and who we want to be.  The person we want to be represents expectations placed on us by self or others.  We see the perfecting of who we want to be, and we live expecting to get there.  Yet the person we are seems miles away from that perfect person.  This creates an inner-struggle that no one seems to understand but us.  Nobody can really feel what you are going through.  Nobody can fully comprehend the two "yous" that are fighting for dominance.  They don’t realize that the disappointment you cause them can be more detrimental to you than it is to them.

                I believe the only way we can become who we want to be, is by first realizing who we are.  We often trick ourselves into believing that we are better than we really are.  Yet, if we reach into the locked closets of life, we will be surprised at the junk we have locked in there.  We will never reach the expectations of the new us, until we deal with the painful failings of the old/current us.  We have lost touch with who we really are in favor of appeasing those around us.  We no longer recognize the facades of life as fallacies created to make our inner demons look like angels.  We have gone away from working our way through our issues, to now creating an image of overcoming.  It might not be the most enjoyable thing to do, but we need to find who we are and fix that person before we can become who we want to be.  If not, we will surely have that schizophrenic moment where the old us steps in and ruins everything the new us has worked so hard to build.  Have you filed your missing persons report?

Just me.