“We physically miss absent mothers, but subconsciously deteriorate from absent fathers.”- Just Me
May 8, 2011 was a day that few people were ignorant about. The “signs of the times” were everywhere. Weeks before this day there were commercials on almost every television channel. Stores began marketing campaigns, highlighting the perfect gifts. Women everywhere began putting in hints to their children and “baby (ies) daddy (ies)” about their desires for that day. When the day arrived, restaurants had waiting lines as if something was being given away for free. What else would one expect? After all, it was Mother’s Day.
As a son who values his mother, I honor her whenever it comes to mind. She carried me for 9 months, and (according to her) her body was never the same. She nourished and still cares for me even after 30 years of life. There’s nothing I can’t talk to her about. There’s never a need that she isn’t willing to fulfill, even if it’s outside her means. Mothers all over the world deserve all the pomp and circumstance they receive. Even the perceived, or actual, bad mothers receive high praise on Mother’s Day.
Yesterday was June 19, 2011. People all over the world enjoyed the day, as a day off from work. Some people attended church. Some people went to the beach. Some people just had a relaxing day inside their home. There were no unusual lines at any restaurants. Only certain companies spent advertising money to highlight there perfect gifts. The world went on as normal, and there was probably an occasional “Oh yea, Happy Father’s Day”. By the way, “bad” fathers more than likely didn’t receive the same high praise that “bad” mothers did on May 8th.
The position, opportunity, and responsibility of Fatherhood has been devalued. I can remember growing up as a child, and never really knowing when father’s day was. Although my father was the best father in the world, his position in the family wasn’t highlighted as much as a “best mother in the world”. Young men don’t grow up being taught the value of being a father, but young women learn early the values of a mother. Today, having a father in the home is almost considered optional rather than desired. You hear it all the time “my single mother is all the father I need”. While the notion of a mother being able to be daddy as well sounds good, the fact remains that it is impossible for her to be what a father should. Women are incapable of being fathers not because of a lack of desire, but by design.
In my upcoming book, “Ode to Sons”, I deal with this topic in Chapter 2: Time Spent. We have become accustomed to having homes absent of a Male figure. We believe that we grow up and everything is ok. On the outside things look ok, but subconsciously our lives are void of an intricate portion of life’s equation. Little girls grow up missing the manly love that only daddy can give, and in return seek it subconsciously from men. Little boys grow up trying to be a man they aren’t, and learn to fulfill temporary needs of his family. Such as: doing whatever it takes to earn money for the next meal. That temporary state of mind plays out in life and relationships. So that little girl seeks the missing love from a man than only knows how to temporarily satisfy the needs of those he loves. Asking a mother to be an effective father is like asking a dentist to deliver your baby. Yes momma is capable of doing a lot of things, but there’s nothing like daddy.
We can say we don’t need them, but just because we say something that doesn’t mean it’s real. If it is, then say it with me, I’m a BILLIONAIRE. Did it work for you? Nope, not for me either. Fathers are a foundation for a family. They are the leader in the home. They provide mental support that goes beyond being a simply a source of child support. I didn’t realize how important my dad was to my development as a man and human till he died. There are natural things that only daddy can teach and share. Momma’s love is GREAT, but daddy’s love is affirming. Momma’s instructions are precious, but daddy’s instructions are powerful. Momma’s touch is comforting, but daddy’s touch is confirming. There is no real substitute for Motherhood or Fatherhood. They both provide a delicate balance that every child should be blessed to have.
So today, I’m placing a recall on the current value we’ve placed on the importance of fatherhood. Yes, there are millions of single mothers. Yes there are horrible dads. But, just because people are horrible that doesn’t mean the role should be any less important. We need to fight for more positive images of fathers on TV. We need to celebrate the position even if it’s empty or being filled by a less than perfect person. It’s time we place the due value on fatherhood and all it brings. In teaching our babies how to be big boys, we also need to teach them what it is to be a father. Just like we glamorize to them a life of grandeur that can be produced from being a star athlete or music mogul, we need to emphasize how being a father can be an enriching experience. The recall begins when we declare to our sons that being a father to our children isn’t an option, but rather a requirement and a great opportunity. Will you join me in this recall by returning all devalued and flawed concepts you have fatherhood?
Just me
So many good point in his post, so many! The same way that the roles are unbalanced, so are the praises towards mothers & fathers unbalanced too. But, like you said, it's up to us to choose to do differently and to teach our children differently.
ReplyDeleteLove that point about the temporary state of mind. It tends to become permanent through actions. As you talked about the void of fathers in a daughter's life, it reminded me of the physical effects as well. Lack of daddy's love affects hormones in girls, making their bodies develop faster than they should and are ready for.
Anyways, keep on doing your Daddyness. Ignore the outside distractions, and do what you know is right, despite convention.